A Telling of Wub's Passing - to a friend upon the loss of her beloved Great Dane...

How sad I always am to learn of a dog friend's passing.  I have a special affinity for all canines. I don't know why, other than that they are one of God's greatest creations. Some remain with us a long time after we've known them. We lost the Wubba Dog to cancer of the lymph glands - the scourge appeared first in the neck and that is what eventually killed him. The vet we had was an old and trusted friend, the wife of my former boss. Her name is Carolyn, and she cares for all our animals. Has these 20 years we've been in Michigan. I noticed something not right with Wub after Christmas 1998. He was more "baby" than usual and wanted to sit UP ON MY LAP in the Lazyboy. I thought this strange at first, and then I noticed the lump in his neck area. I thought it was nothing but him getting older at 7 years. Well, we took him for his annual shots the same month in January, and she told me the news.  I felt angry and short-changed.  After all, he still had many life experiences to share with us!

Wub was a special dog to me, like the Farm Dogs now are to Gip. He was Tony's dog. We had him while Tony went away to school and then after he married, since they could not have a pet at their apartment. I especially grew close to him, taking him up north into the wilds of Michigan's Upper Peninsula with us on every trip. He was my protector, my eyes, ears, and nose when Gip was away from the camp. I spent many a wonderful day in the woods with him, my rifle on my shoulder and Wub at my side. Many wonderful days at home, too. Vet said it wouldn't take long for the cancer to take him. We worked out a plan to help ME deal with it, as well as Wub. He stayed close by me from then on, knowing I was his caregiver. He even tolerated Carolyn better. I know he knew he was sick. But, like you, I wanted to make his last weeks with us as good as they could be. He had more chicken dinners than any dog we'd owned. Of course, he loved to eat. This was his hallmark. But he wasn't fat. And he ate everything - popcorn, watermelon, cheese, corn on the cob - while it was still on the cob!!! and strawberries. He'd steal strawberries out of the 2 rows of our garden whenever he was out there with me. He was unusual. My best friend. Carolyn worked with me to make his last last days more comfortable. She recommended no heroics to prolong his life (suffering?), and I appreciated her taking charge in this regard. Gip says he hung on longer because he knew I was struggling with his leaving. This was true. 

One March day, one of the last before the spring came, it snowed. I was working from home at the time, and so, every lunch time, I'd take him out for our walk around the place since he loved it so. It was cold and blustery. I thought it might be the last snow he would see. He was slowing down; so we walked easy. I took him back by his favored tree line. I said to him, "Wub, show me where you want to rest." We walked a bit more, and he then just stopped! Didn't move. And he raised his great head and looked intently into the trees, nose in the air to pick up all scents back in his domain. It was right where the sumac grows red in fall. I got tears in my eyes. I knew he wanted me to put him there. I told him I would. Then we went on with our walk.

Two weeks later, he took a turn for the worst, not sleeping with having trouble breathing. That tumor had grown to be a collar around his neck, and it was slowly choking him. I'd try to comfort him. Gave him lots of massages to calm him. Knew the laying of hands was what he needed. Finally, I called Tony and told him I couldn't take his suffering anymore. Asked him to go with me to Carolyn's to put him out of his misery. Tony said he would. On Good Friday, that Easter, we went together to Carolyn's. Wub died peacefully in our arms among friends. Neither Tony nor I cried in front of Carolyn, tho' I was afraid I would and that this would embarrass Tony. We wrapped our good fellow in a blanket and took him home in the back of the Bronco. Back at the Farm, Tony got the shovel and asked me to stay up at the house while he buried Wub. I told him I could not, as I knew right where Wub wanted to be. And besides, I said, "...he was my friend, too." So we got back in the Bronco and headed back to the tree line. We both cried as we slowly moved to the tree line with Wub with us for the last time. Tony & I relived our many and fondest memories of that dog. Tony made a place for him in the ground by the sumac, just as I said we would. We laid a little porcelain squirrel over his grave, and a GREAT rock, so I might always be able to find it once the woods reclaimed the spot we'd cleared that spring. I went back and sat on that rock many days that summer. Cried every day for a week or more every time we walked back there. We STILL go visit him with our other 2 boys, saying how much they'd have had fun running on Farm together. That Friday, Tony spent the night with us. Next morning, we went right out and got Moe & Cody. They were brothers, two ornery pups. I love them dearly but still miss the Wubba Dog. He was very dear to me..

In many ways, I remember these days with Wub better than any others except maybe the trips up north with him. The silver lining in this cloud was that God had given me more time to get to know my buddy. Gave me a chance to properly say good-bye. It was bittersweet. But at least I had known him.  At their passing, be grateful that this gift was given and that you get to enjoy the animal for whatever brief time. For each animal is different, like each person, and a Wub won't come 'round ever again. As for their canine friends sometimes left behind when they leave, help this friend in whatever way makes sense for both of you. For us, it was another 2 puppies the same weekend, as I needed to fill a hole in my heart. Miss Moon was still alive then, and she missed him, too, but the pups gave her someone to boss around and look after for several more years.

After Moon died, the yellow dog, Cody, the sensitive, neurotic one, became morose. He started being bad by taking the sheets off the bed! And the covers off the couch and chair!! It was strange, but that was how he dealt with missing Moon. We let him do it, and finally, he sorta gave up. He'd stop back where we buried Moon and just stand there and sniff around for the longest time. He knew she was down there. He didn't think it was right. And he told us each day of our walk to the treeline.

Write a journal of these months with your canine friend if you find yourself in this situation.  It may help.  When Miss Moon died, we planted a wildflower garden over her grave.  This, too, will help remind me of her whenever I see the flowers.   If nothing else, a journal or a garden will get the feelings out and help you to cope. And after all, these bad things that happen to us are supposed to expand our capacity to cope. At the time, one has to wonder what God's thinking! But remember that it's all unfolding as it should.

I always have believed all life is reincarnated.  Most Far Eastern religions, and people allow for this. So did the Native Americans. So do the Pagans. I embrace it, too, because I believe the Universe doesn't waste anything. If you'd like to know more, read the works of James Redfield in a book called The Celestine Vision. He believes all life is evolving, and that souls evolve with the help of higher souls. So even the birds at our feeders relate with us. So do the insects. And if you believe as Thomas Moore does, even non-living things have "soul," and they have relationship with us, too. It's a very respectful and respectable way to move through the world, to believe this. I believe we are given the animals because they have something to teach us and we have something to teach him. Maybe they best do this as a dog or a cat, a bird, a deer, or a wolf, and in the luckiest of circumstance, we are allowed to be their best friend. That is how our dogs are to us.  Perhaps when they die, they never really leave us.

I read much about holistic living and medicine. If you have never read Bernie Siegel, M.D., try to find some time to do that. His words in an article I recently read: "One of the most important things to do is not grow up but to reclaim your youth by growing down. Who are your best coaches? The children, the elderly, and the animals. They know how to live now, ask for help when needed, and feel whole no matter that their body is experiencing. They know how to maintain the proper attitude. So get a pet and whenever a problem arises in your life ask yourself, 'If this were happening to my beloved pet, what would he do?' When I have a problem, I just WWLD it -- I just ask myself, 'What would Lassie do?' And go from there."

xox! Sharon      

The pups, Moe & Cody, visit Wub's grave; two logs make good benches for sitting and resting or observing the distant farm fields.  No need to hurry here....